Reignite Your Spark This Wedding Season: Dr. Viviana Coles on Colorado & Company

Wedding season is in full swing, and while all eyes are on the couple at the altar, there's a second love story happening in every row of chairs: the couples who are already married, watching someone else say "I do."

Dr. Viviana Coles, nationally recognized relationship and sex therapist and founder of Houston Relationship Therapy, joined 9NEWS' Colorado & Company to talk about how wedding season can do more than fill your calendar. It can rekindle the spark in your own relationship.

What Attending a Wedding Does to Your Relationship

Going to a wedding with your plus-one isn't neutral. As Dr. Viviana puts it, it can affect your relationship positively, but it can also go the other way.

At its best, a wedding gives you a contact high of romance and hope. You watch two people commit to a future together, and you remember that you did the same thing. There's an awareness that a roller coaster is coming, paired with the genuine wish that they get through all the bumps without too many bruises or scars.

That mix of nostalgia and optimism is the opening. What you do with it is up to you.

Can Couples Outgrow Flirting?

Short answer: yes, unfortunately. And far too many do.

Dr. Viviana's position is unambiguous: we should all be flirting. It's one of the things that genuinely keeps a spark alive, and it doesn't come with an expiration date.

Weddings happen to be one of the best flirting environments a long-married couple can find, because everything you'd want to do is already built into the event:

• Dancing
• Mingling and talking
• Walking together
• Taking pictures
• Being openly affectionate

Best of all, it's expected. Nobody is telling you to get a room. The reaction is closer to "oh, yay, they're feeling it." Classy PDA isn't just tolerated at a wedding, it's part of the point.

Should You Go to a Wedding During a Rough Patch?

The invitation arrives, confetti and all, and things at home are strained. Do you go?

Yes, says Dr. Viviana. But go with a plan.

Working through the issues is the first priority. Beyond that, decide ahead of time to talk about how you each felt about your marriage back when you were getting married, and how you feel about it now, because you want to walk in hopeful.

One thing to avoid: opening with "Would you marry me if we did it all over again?" That's a big question, and it's a rough place to start.

Try this instead: "Tell me, how did you feel on the day of our wedding?"

Start there. And if the answer goes somewhere negative, that's information, not a verdict. Dr. Viviana's suggested response: "You know what, that really shows we have something to work on here, and I'd love to do that with you. I'm not really sure how right now, but maybe we can reach out to a pro."

The Feelings Weddings Bring Up, and How to Use Them

Nostalgia, first and foremost.

Dr. Viviana and her husband are about to celebrate their 19th wedding anniversary, and she describes looking back on their wedding day and feeling like they were just kids. Attending someone else's wedding reliably drops you back into how you felt at your own.

Use it. A few conversations worth having while the feeling is fresh:

• What did our wedding day actually feel like for you?
• If we could have had our dream wedding, would we do it the same way?
• What would we do differently?

Even simple appreciation counts. Loving the ceremony, loving the reception, loving the food. Being positive around each other is, on its own, a really great thing to have happen at a wedding.

The One Question to Ask Before You Get Married

If you could boil premarital prep down to a single question, Dr. Viviana's pick is this:

What is your definition of physical and emotional intimacy?

It lands because most people have never actually answered it. They have a sense of what intimacy means, but they've never put it into words, and their partner may never have thought about it at all.

Not being on the same page about intimacy, and not recognizing that it's both physical and emotional, creates a level of disconnection that doesn't need to be there. These are things you can talk about and work through. You just have to start the conversation.

Watch the Full Segment

Catch Dr. Viviana's full conversation on Colorado & Company: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlgP8KqXf5I

Continue the conversation with Dr. Viviana at DoctorViviana.com/VividRelationships.