The "Chalance" Dating Trend: Dr. Viviana Coles Explains on Colorado & Company

Swipe right, swipe left, get ghosted, repeat. Dating right now is not for the faint of heart, and if you do land a first date, there's a new question hanging over it: how much enthusiasm is too much?

Dr. Viviana Coles, nationally recognized relationship and sex therapist and founder of Houston Relationship Therapy, recently joined 9NEWS' Colorado & Company to unpack one of the buzziest dating trends of the year: "chalance."

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What Does "Chalance" Mean in Dating?

It's exactly what it sounds like: nonchalant, minus the non.

For years, the unspoken rule of modern dating was to play it cool. Stay unbothered, keep it casual, never let them see you care. That's nonchalance, and singles are officially over it. "Chalance" is the pushback: showing up to a date with genuine warmth, interest, and enthusiasm instead of acting too cool for school.

As Dr. Viviana points out, it's a new word for a very old dating dynamic. But the shift it represents is real. When someone brings zero energy and zero investment to a date, it stops feeling low-pressure and starts feeling empty. "Want to grab a drink?" "I don't know, whatever you want" is not a vibe anyone is excited about.

Nonchalance vs. Chalance: Finding the Right Energy

So should you walk into a first date bursting with excitement, or keep it low-key? Dr. Viviana's advice: read yourself, not just the room.

• If you're naturally gregarious and tend to come in hot, take three slow breaths before you walk in. Bring it down a notch. Coming on too strong can be just as off-putting as being icy.
• If your default is cool and detached, do the opposite. Turn the warmth up a little.
• The target is warm. Not too chill, not too cold, not too detached.

The goal isn't to perform a personality. It's to land somewhere between over-eager and unbothered, which is exactly where a second date lives.

How Much Should You Share on a First Date?

Being warm is one thing. Oversharing is another, and Dr. Viviana has a metaphor for it that every dater should keep in their back pocket.

Think of your life as a purse.

Dumping the entire bag out on the table five minutes into drinks? That's reckless. Nobody needs your full life story, your past relationships, and every loose receipt on date one.

But clutching the bag shut and only letting your date catch a quick peek before zipping it back up? Now it looks like you're hiding something.

The sweet spot: an open tote. Let them see how you carry your life. Share your personality generously, and save the deep archives for later. It's okay to give a little too much when it comes to who you are. Just not when it comes to your entire history.

Detach From the Outcome, Not From Your Feelings

This is the heart of the segment, and the line worth remembering: being detached from the outcome is a plus, but being detached from your feelings is a minus.

You don't need to walk into a first date deciding whether this person is your future spouse. But you should walk in attached to one baseline goal: getting to know them, and letting them get to know you.

A few more of Dr. Viviana's tips for showing up confident:

• Aim for neutral or better. Pessimism and skepticism leak into your tone, and it's not attractive or inviting.
• People can feel "I don't care" energy. If your date doesn't take it personally, they'll simply conclude the date was a waste of their time.
• Watch for mixed signals. Staying overly nonchalant into date three, four, or five sends the wrong impression, even if you're actually interested.

Land somewhere between nonchalance and chalance, and you're in great shape to get that second date.

Watch the Full Segment

Catch Dr. Viviana's full conversation on Colorado & Company on 9NEWS: https://www.9news.com/video/entertainment/television/programs/colorado-and-company/staying-on-top-of-dating-trends-with-dr-viviana/73-878f0bcc-5c8f-4f2a-bfe8-80b1e942073e