Why Doesn’t My Partner Hear Me? Dr. Viviana Coles on Good Day LA

On September 16, 2025, I joined FOX 11’s Good Day LA to tackle a question nearly every couple asks at some point: “Why doesn’t my partner hear me?”

I explained that while it often feels personal, many communication breakdowns are rooted in patterns we can change. Here are four common reasons partners don’t seem to hear each other—and what you can do about it:

• Listening to respond, not understand. Many partners are so focused on defending their point of view that they stop truly hearing what’s being said.
• Bad timing. Trying to talk when one of you is distracted, tired, or stressed sets the stage for miscommunication.
• Feeling criticized or blamed. If your partner senses judgment, they may shut down instead of opening up.
• Unresolved conflict. Past arguments that never got resolved can make it harder to stay present in current conversations.

Improving communication doesn’t happen overnight, but small changes—like choosing the right moment, softening your tone, and listening with empathy—can create big shifts.

For couples who want to deepen their understanding, my book The 4 Intimacy Styles: The Key to Lasting Physical Intimacy offers practical tools to strengthen both emotional and physical connection. You can also take the free quiz at 4IntimacyStylesQuiz.com to learn more about your unique intimacy style.

Watch the full segment here: FOX 11 Good Day LA – Partner Communication

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